“You Shouldn’t Care What Anybody Thinks” Is Bullshit

“You shouldn’t care what anybody thinks.”

Yeah… I call bullshit on that. You’re saying nobody should ever care what anybody thinks, no matter the situation?

Oof. Sounds like a recipe for disaster.

Why I disagree

Here’s why I disagree with that.

Number one: I doubt you could actually get there without being a psychopath.

Number two: If you only care what you think at all times, why wouldn’t you become a dictator? Ah, not enough ambition to work your way up the political system? Fine. But what’s stopping you from becoming a serial killer? Afraid of the dark? Damn. Okay, okay, now I got it: You will likely turn into a huge asshole and make everybody around you miserable (which you won’t care about).

How about that? Is that in the cards?

Oh, you have great judgment, and if you didn’t care what anybody thought, that would somehow make you into an angel? Really? Doubt it.

I think the sentiment resonates with you (as it does with me) because, right now, you care too much about what people think. And it’s causing you a lot of distress.

But I don’t think getting rid of other people’s opinions is the way to go. It’s probably more about finding the right balance and accepting the fact that you are not the lone wolf you fancy yourself to be (I’m still working on that, too).

What is the right balance?

Glad you asked. I’d say this is a hierarchy that generally makes sense: your opinion > opinion of trusted friends and family > colleagues & acquaintances > strangers > some more things > people on the internet.

So, yes, your opinion would come out on top. But:

1. It is not the only opinion you care about.

2. There are a lot of exceptions to this order.

Here are exceptions:

• You have different levels of expertise.

• People are emotionally compromised (this can often be you).

• It is none of people’s business.

• Multiple people, independent of each other, have told you.

Let me give you some examples:

You want to learn how to code, and you attend a class. You and your teacher disagree on how to code something. In this case it probably makes sense to listen to your teacher. He’s not going to be right 100% of the time, but I would hope that he is right more often than not (otherwise get a different teacher).

→ This would be an example of different levels of expertise.

Second example: You really want to do another shot, but you’re already hammered, and the reason you want to do it is that some guy called you a pussy. Your friends think you should not consume any more alcohol. In this case, I hate to say it, but you might be emotional about this. You dislike being called a pussy. And therefore you will do anything to prove the guy who said it wrong. Here, listen to your friends. They are going to be the ones you will be puking on otherwise.

→ This would be an example of emotional compromise. Meaning, you’re not thinking straight.

Third example: Your friend wants to spend his birthday golfing. You think that’s dumb because you hate golfing. Here, you might want to remember that it is not your birthday and your friend can do what he wants. You don’t have to go. But trying to ruin his day is a dick move.

→ This is an example of remembering some things are none of your business.

Fourth example: You walk into the office and a coworker goes, “Ugh, dude, your breath smells.” You consult my hierarchy list and realize that it goes: your opinion > colleague’s opinion. Ergo, you tell him he is wrong. You don’t smell anything. You keep walking. When you pass the cleaning lady, she makes a face and sprays room spray everywhere. Next, your boss tells you to brush your teeth. In this case it would not be unreasonable to assume that your breath smells.

→ This illustrates multiple people telling you something.

Final note

Situations can be complex. A lot of factors can play a role. I do not claim these rules to be right all the time.

So, use your judgment and brush your teeth.