Kick-ass quote
Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present. – Master Oogway from Kung Fu Panda
Wisdom from me
Putting your underpants on before your pants will save you a lot of hassle. Yes.
Something I’m thinking about
There is this clip (link in the “Challenge” section) in the movie Kung Fu Panda where Shifu (a great Kung Fu teacher) tells his master about a problem he doesn’t know how to deal with. Master Oogway replies by saying that he’ll never fulfill his destiny until he lets go of the illusion of control.
To illustrate the point, Master Oogway looks at the peach tree next to them and says, “Look at this tree, Shifu. I cannot make it blossom when it suits me, nor make it bear fruit before its time.”
Shifu pushes back, “But there are things we can control. I can control when the fruit will fall.”
*kicks tree so that the peaches fall on the ground*
“And I can control where to plant the seed.”
*angrily throws the seed of a peach in the ground*
“That is no illusion, master.”
Master Oogway looks at him with kind, wise, old eyes and responds, “Ah yes, but no matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.”
…
I love that scene.
The illusion of control.
It’s something I find myself struggling with quite often. It’s also the thing that probably helps me the most once I let it go.
Introducing the concept
In fact, the one principle I find most helpful might just be the “circle of influence.” It’s a principle I learned about from Stephen Covey’s book “The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective People.”
It basically looks like this:
On the outside there is the “circle of concern.” This is everything that concerns us, everything that might influence us or that we might pay attention to.
The smaller circle is the “circle of influence.” From all the things that concern us, these are the ones that we can influence ourselves. It is smaller than the circle of concern because there are many things that concern us that we have little to no influence over.
You can add a third circle. The “circle of control.” In that circle are all the things that we can (basically) completely control.
This circle is very small because we truly only control very few things. In fact, I’d say we really only control one thing: the things we choose to do. Those can be broken down into two categories:
Our actions (the things we say or do).
How we deal and interact with thoughts and emotions that come up.
Great job drawing circles. But what do I do with them?
Well, a lot of people pay a lot of attention to the circle of concern:
“Oh no, it’s raining. I can’t go for a run now.”
“My boss is driving me crazy. I wish I didn’t have to deal with them.”
“If only my boyfriend were more understanding. He can be so rude at times.”
And while this might feel good in the short term because you don’t have to take responsibility for your situation, it will make you feel powerless in the long term. It will make you feel like a victim and leave you unable to positively affect your environment.
However, if instead one were to focus on the circle of influence or even the circle of control, one might ask him- or herself a far more productive question: What of the things I control can I do to improve my situation?
Or formulated differently: What actions can I take to make the most out of this situation? And how can I deal with my feelings and emotions in the most effective way?
Then, instead of feeling a victim to our circumstances, we might act proactively:
“It’s raining right now. I can either wear something that will protect me from getting wet, go for a run on the treadmill, or lift some weights instead.”
“I have an issue with my boss. I don’t control what he does, but I do control other things. I can realize that I don’t have to let his actions affect my mood and just let him be. I can quit my job. I can be more empathetic and helpful towards him because maybe he is as frustrated with me as I am with him.”
“I feel like my boyfriend doesn’t understand me. Am I doing my best to understand him? Have I addressed this issue openly to try and find a solution that we’ll both like?”
Last words
As I said, few things have helped me as much as rigorously trying to focus on the circle of control, and it never ceases to amaze me in how many situations it can be applied. Who knows? Maybe it can help you too.
To leave you with some more words from Shifu and Master Oogway:
Shifu: “But how? HOW? I need your help, master.”
Master Oogway: “No… you just need to believe.”
Challenge
Watch the video for yourself and drink in the wisdom of the wise, old cartoon turtle. Then, think of something where you’ve frequently focused on the circle of concern and think of something within your circle of control that would help if you did it. Then consider doing it.
Watch the video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hYAQtEs2Img
PS - The struggle is real
