3 Mildly Useful Life Hacks

Here are some mildly useful life hacks:

Getting too drunk at parties? Quit drinking mixed drinks

Here’s a quick anecdote of mine to illustrate:

I went to a party with a friend of mine. I was young and influenced by many of the forces young people succumb to: ego, insecurities, and a great need to prove myself.

I walked in and looked around. Now, seeing as I was 16 and self-conscious, I chose to overcompensate. You know the advice people give you for prison? “Find the biggest guy in the yard and beat him up.” I did the equivalent of that.

I glanced around to see who the toughest of the other 16-year-olds was, looked him in the eye, and said, “So, wanna see who can drink more tonight?” To which he responded by opening a beer and chugging it in one go.

Oh boy.

But it was too late to back down now, so I got to work. And things actually went fine until I started drinking mixed drinks that were handed to me. Yeah, things went sideways pretty quick after that.

Towards the end of the night, I vaguely remember something about throwing up all over the bathroom.

A little later, when I went to leave, I looked down at my shoes, contemplating how I was going to get them on my feet. I decided that I wasn’t capable of that.

So, with great focus, I managed to bend down, grab them, and stand back up. Then, shoes in hand, I walked out into the street in socks, even though it had just rained. Yes. I was fucked up.

Being more drunk than I wanted to happened a bunch of times after that too. But it almost completely stopped happening once I stuck to beer and the occasional whiskey.

It was mixed drinks that got me. You never know how much alcohol is in them; they are easy to chug, and you won’t realize you’ve made a mistake till it’s too late.

…

So, kids, what have we learned?

Kids: That you can’t hold your liquor!

Me: No, no, the other thing.

Kids: You threw up all over a bathroom?

Me: No, not that either. If you want to drink responsibly, stay away from mixed drinks.

Kids: Oooh… gee, thanks dude!

Anxious at parties because you feel like everybody is watching you? Let me tell you why they’re not

“Oh my god, I have to go to this party, but I’m so anxious. Everybody will look at me and realize how nervous I am.” Sound familiar? You might benefit from learning about the spotlight effect. It’s the overestimation of people paying attention to you. You feel like everybody is watching and judging you. You feel like you are standing in a spotlight.

The reason for this is simple. You are the center of your universe. Everything you see, you see through your eyes, hear through your ears, etc. So, naturally, you assume that you must be the center of everyone else’s universe too (or at least one of the main characters in it). But you’re not.

How much do you think about other people? A lot. But I’m not talking about pondering how other people are feeling towards you. Because that is also just thinking about yourself. How much are you actually, genuinely just thinking about other people? Likely, a very small percentage of the time.

Well, this is pretty much how everybody feels. And they all feel as if the spotlight is on them.

Want to test this? Wear a slightly embarrassing shirt you normally wouldn’t wear. It will probably consume your entire thinking. See how many other people even notice. And of the ones that do, how long do they pay attention to it? A very short period of time? Exactly.

Bored in a place with a lot of people? Airdrop a meme to as many people as you can

This is fun. You can pat yourself on the back for being a funny person AND you can watch people look around wondering who the fuck sent them a random meme.