Kick-ass quote
“I try to explain to people that the only way to be cool is to be who you truly are, and the only way to live life is to do the things that you want to do and be the person that you want to be no matter who that is or what that is or how you have to do it. That’s the only way you can be genuinely happy.” – Tucker Max
Something I’m thinking about
Here are 11 lessons I found on Tucker Max’s website (https://www.tuckermax.com/) that really spoke to me:
Lesson Learned #131
Telling someone else how I think they should feel about something does not work.
Listening to how they feel and attempting to understand their emotions and perspective can work.
Lesson Learned #132
Every conflict in my life has been co-created.
This is true even when it feels like the other person is 100% at fault.
When I look honestly, I find responsibility I didn’t own, boundaries I didn’t hold, or emotions of mine that I blamed on others.
Lesson I’ve Learned #133
I’m starting to believe most (if not all) violence comes from people tricking themselves into believing their pain derives from other people.
They then use that self-trickery to convince themselves those other people deserve to be punished.
Lesson Learned #134
Any activity I think about in terms of “should” is either shame/guilt based, not something I want to do, or both.
Seeing this and shifting my activities to things I want to do drastically improved my energy and emotions.
h/t Dan Sullivan
Lesson I’ve Learned #135
A key lesson in my life is seeing that the things I judge in others are in fact the parts of myself I reject.
Once I saw that in myself, I was able to recognize it other places.
I can tell what a person hates in themself by what they judge in others.
Lesson Learned #138
I try to plan new things out meticulously, to alleviate my anxiety.
Doesn’t work.
Takes a 13th century Persian poet to remind of what I have learned so many times:
“As you start to walk on the way, the way appears.”
-Rumi
Lesson Learned #140
When the world doesn’t make sense, it’s a signal my mental model is wrong, and I should observe and learn more.
Seems so obvious now, but I fought this for years. I wanted the world to fit my model.
That led to a lot of suffering on my part.
Lesson Learned #148
What I refuse to heal internally, comes back externally. It can come in different mediums; the obstacles in my life, the way kids behave, the people I attract. I continue to repeat what I don’t repair.
Lesson Learned #152
When faced with a difficult choice, I’ve learned the best action is always the one that increases my self-respect.
That’s almost always the hardest action to take as well.
Hard actions taken now tend to make for a better life later.
Lesson Learned #155
I used to think I needed to get rid of anxiety.
That didn’t work.
The problem is not anxiety; the problem is the source of anxiety. It is a symptom, not a cause.
Now I do my work to understand why I am anxious, feel the underlying emotion, and the anxiety goes away.
Lesson Learned #159
I can push away whatever it is my body is trying to feel.
That’s always an option.
But the price of repressing those feelings is anxiety, depression, or anger.
Challenge
Try to recognize if some of those lessons apply to you. Are there some hard truths lurking there?
PS—Damn
